Discover more from warm cups of tea
poem for melodrama (2017)
it's just another graceless night — lorde
MELODRAMA: five years
Some nights like standing at a station underneath loss or perhaps aliveness. Been coming of age for a while now I think — still, it’s hard to let go. I want to clutch the fleshy heart of this place, feel it pulse, flicker into tender existence, flame on a beaker. How I can’t stand to be alone. On Friday a tram was taking me out of Fitzroy and for a moment the sudden sensation of moving backwards, disorienting like the telltale rush of dizziness a minute before fainting. How a strike of lightning flashes as a warning before thunder crosses the same distance and if you count between you can tell how far away the storm is. Seafoam skies this week, double rainbow after afternoon sunshower, full moon bright against a night the colour of Lorde’s Homemade Dynamite. How being on an airplane can feel like not moving at all, something about relativity maybe or the fact that air is nothing like the road or the railway, gives nothing away. Soon I could be across oceans or I could stay to see summer steal over a city so generous and sometimes even forgiving and always a river slipping away. Learning lately that transition is constant, for me and the seasons and the moon and the tides and the friends I call mine and the ones I don't call anymore and for my mother too, it seems. How some moments are gleaming and graceless and monumental and others fall away into just another week until suddenly you’re on the platform asking where to go from here. Trying to let yourself feel. Trying to find — something. What the fuck are perfect places, anyway?
Hi. I wanted to do something re: fifth anniversary of Lorde’s pop masterpiece Melodrama (2017). This ended up being about my specific place in life / conflicted feelings in the past fortnight, which is kind of irrelevant to when this album was most important to me (circa 2017-2019). But then I’m the same but not. It’s strange to think about the seventeen-year-old who first listened to the album, strange to think about being nineteen and on fire. I’m still waiting for every perfect summer, and looking back summer 2018-19 filled me with all sorts of emotion, which really was my final summer before the pandemic given I only experienced a few days of Australian summer 2019-20. Always, always thinking about the note Lorde wrote on facebook a few months ahead of Melodrama and the phrase ‘I was reckless and graceless and terrifying and tender’. Favourite songs are The Louvre / Supercut / Perfect Places, forever + I just remembered my which melodrama song are you quiz from very early 2020, which is probably still quite fun. <3
I strongly dislike that substack doesn’t have text alignment options, I decided to enter some linebreaks and actually like this better however I still dislike the text alignment thing and lines may be wonky on mobile but what can you do about that. Written in about eighty minutes very early in the morning and then refined. Also I googled seafoam and there are more green results than blue which doesn’t actually work this ISN’T A METAPHOR I meant THE SHADE OF BLUE THAT THE SKY GETS WITH WINTER SUN and the original was SAPPHIRE which is the vibe but very much not the colour just imagine it okay. Stunning insight into my process here. Obviously Melodrama influenced and borrows from ‘Perfect Places’ in ‘I can’t stand to be alone’ and the final line. I actually do not know what inspired anybody to subscribe to this newsletter but now you get silly lines about my crises hehe.
— gemini at the beginning of cancer szn